Ok if you haven't noticed yet. I am a talker... always have been. Use to get in trouble ALL the time growing up because I talked too much. Here is what I will ask from my readers. If you come and read a post please leave me a comment somewhere somehow to let me know you were here. I don't know how this works quite yet and I have had some suggestions on new posts to write. I want to make sure to reach and possibly help but most of all make new friends with the same stories as mine. Sometimes I just like to know I am not alone.
Here are a few suggestions I have had on new posts. Feel free to let me know if any of these would be beneficial.
~My adoption and meeting my bio family.
~ Going from Single mom to now being in a stable relationship
~ Going from homelessness to having a stable home
If you have any other suggestions I am always up for conversations and take everything into evaluation. Thank you and have a great day! :)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Life up to today
Well seems difficult to get this kick started up to where I wanted to start it.. At the stage I can't seem to find any help or all different types of help from one side to the other. Most of my posts will be about my experiences from day to day dealing with my preteen son James. He just turned 12 and is quite the big boy already. 32/30 in mens jeans, size 10.5 men shoes. I almost feel at times he's already a man then I have to remember he's only in middle school and I have a LONG way to go. Yep we started middle school this year. I guess I should try to give you a brief rundown over everything involving James so I don't get questions later on.
James has always been a very compassionate, loving, emotional child. If he feels like he is helping you in any way that is when he shines. If he feels you are upset for any reason he believes its his fault. He had a very rough life from being abuse by his bio father in all the ways you can imagine and we spent most of his life homeless and moving from friend to friend. I also made the mistake of trying to date and even was married to a person that joined the military for a while so there was more moving around. James has been hospitalized 7 times for trying to kill himself. He has been to numerous counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists. James is James. When I say that it kinda helps me to realize I have a one of a kind son. Also with all the constant emotions and whiplash style mood swings we were hit with another bit of news that really threw me for a loop. Since James was 3 and talking he always said he was a girl. I would just hide it and say that he was just an emotional boy and that is the way God made him and we would work through it. Amazingly enough at the end of 2012 a doctor did blood work and found out that James does have female DNA.. Now try to wrap your mind around THAT one. I always thought he was just a bigger boy and was getting the infamous man boobies but nope those are female ones he's growing. So yes questions questions upon questions and now we are at middle school and the age where hormones are a raging. Only problem is James has both hormones coursing. We look like a boy to most ppl (was born with boy parts), but the body shape and now feminine things are growing. So mix all that together and trying to parent a child to grow up and feel confident in themselves is proving to be a bit more difficult than I imagined.
On top of everything James has learning disabilities, is dyslexic, and has an IEP at school that makes him feel stupid. YAY us. I was raised in a strict religious home and wanted to be strict with my children. Don't get me wrong they learned manners and being nice to one another no problem. but now with This new phase upon us a whole new adventure we are embarking on. We call it the roller coaster of life. So if you would like take a seat make sure you fasten your safety belt and join us on this adventure of raising James.
Sarah is almost 9. she is my smart mouthed child. She thinks she knows it all. She is also my straight A student and has no problem reminding you of how smart and pretty she is. When she was 5 she actually used the excuse she was too pretty to try and get out of cleaning her room. (didn't work) Sarah is very matter of factly and if you do something she doesn't life she WILL let you know. She is also the cryer. Once you bring something to her attention of what she's done wrong if you do it in a calm fashion she will cry as if you just took away her monster high collection. I have joint custody of Sarah with her father. He has her the most and I get her on weekends and holidays, I do live in the same town now even though it hasn't always been that way. I feel part of me needs to make up for not always being around due to other issues. Yet I don't want to spoil her. I want her to know she is just as much loved as her brother. We butt heads a lot as she doesn't like my skin and she reminds me about it ALL the time. I am hoping as she gets older her attitude will improve and she will lose the holier than though mentality. So this is our adventure as well.. Are you brave enough to join in? Any and all advice is very much wanted and accepted :)
James has always been a very compassionate, loving, emotional child. If he feels like he is helping you in any way that is when he shines. If he feels you are upset for any reason he believes its his fault. He had a very rough life from being abuse by his bio father in all the ways you can imagine and we spent most of his life homeless and moving from friend to friend. I also made the mistake of trying to date and even was married to a person that joined the military for a while so there was more moving around. James has been hospitalized 7 times for trying to kill himself. He has been to numerous counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists. James is James. When I say that it kinda helps me to realize I have a one of a kind son. Also with all the constant emotions and whiplash style mood swings we were hit with another bit of news that really threw me for a loop. Since James was 3 and talking he always said he was a girl. I would just hide it and say that he was just an emotional boy and that is the way God made him and we would work through it. Amazingly enough at the end of 2012 a doctor did blood work and found out that James does have female DNA.. Now try to wrap your mind around THAT one. I always thought he was just a bigger boy and was getting the infamous man boobies but nope those are female ones he's growing. So yes questions questions upon questions and now we are at middle school and the age where hormones are a raging. Only problem is James has both hormones coursing. We look like a boy to most ppl (was born with boy parts), but the body shape and now feminine things are growing. So mix all that together and trying to parent a child to grow up and feel confident in themselves is proving to be a bit more difficult than I imagined.
On top of everything James has learning disabilities, is dyslexic, and has an IEP at school that makes him feel stupid. YAY us. I was raised in a strict religious home and wanted to be strict with my children. Don't get me wrong they learned manners and being nice to one another no problem. but now with This new phase upon us a whole new adventure we are embarking on. We call it the roller coaster of life. So if you would like take a seat make sure you fasten your safety belt and join us on this adventure of raising James.
Sarah is almost 9. she is my smart mouthed child. She thinks she knows it all. She is also my straight A student and has no problem reminding you of how smart and pretty she is. When she was 5 she actually used the excuse she was too pretty to try and get out of cleaning her room. (didn't work) Sarah is very matter of factly and if you do something she doesn't life she WILL let you know. She is also the cryer. Once you bring something to her attention of what she's done wrong if you do it in a calm fashion she will cry as if you just took away her monster high collection. I have joint custody of Sarah with her father. He has her the most and I get her on weekends and holidays, I do live in the same town now even though it hasn't always been that way. I feel part of me needs to make up for not always being around due to other issues. Yet I don't want to spoil her. I want her to know she is just as much loved as her brother. We butt heads a lot as she doesn't like my skin and she reminds me about it ALL the time. I am hoping as she gets older her attitude will improve and she will lose the holier than though mentality. So this is our adventure as well.. Are you brave enough to join in? Any and all advice is very much wanted and accepted :)
Pregnancy with Sarah
I can't believe this is the 3rd post already.. And It will be quite an emotional one I am sure. My daughter Sarah from the moment she was conceived has been my little handful.. I remember one night her father and I were tucking in my older son James and James calmly looked up at the corner of his room and pointed and said look baby. Little did we know that 8.5 months later we would have that baby. lol I remember taking the test in the bathroom of our apartment and it coming out positive I just sat and cried. James was 2 and we have already had an ordeal of things happen I wasn't sure I was ready for another one already but at this point its just a buckle up and enjoy the ride. lol
This pregnancy was WAY different then the pregnancy with James. I felt EVERY little movement from EARLY on.. The morning sickness was about the same, I didn't crave Taco Bell but I did crave Wendy's.
Sarah was my little gymnists while I was pregnant. She NEVER stopped moving. I was happy that I didn't have to go to the doctor ALL the time like I did with James. This one just felt right. Unfortunately on mother's day while I was pregnant her father and I broke up. So now here I am with a 2 yr old boy, about 5 months pregnant, on mother's day with no where to go. Thankfully there was a shelter up the road a bit that helped pregnant woman. It was a tough transition but I was a mom and I had to do it. A couple of weeks later I developed what I thought was the most severe case of heartburn in history. I couldn't eat, sleep, sit, stand, breathing was hurting. I finally went to the doctor and found out that my gallbladder had shut down. Unfortunately, no doctor's in my city work on pregnant woman and gallbladders so I was transferred to another hospital two hours away. Thankfully I was still a member of the church I grew up in and they took care of James for me while I had to undergo surgery. This was the first time my son and I spent any time away from each other.
To say I was scared would be an understatement. Here I am pregnant and I am going in for surgery. And this was an active child. I tend to be a worrier so of course I am thinking of all the horrible outcomes. What if they hurt my baby what if she gets in their way. Thankfully none of that happened. I remember the first day of surgery to remove all the gall stones they rolled me into an x-ray room and laid me on the x-ray table. My mind now is racing. I am pregnant, I am not supposed to have x-ray's while I am pregnant. I hear the dr say give her 10 cc's of something. Im wide awake. Im looking around asking questions.. What's the different meds they have laid one.. The white one I remember as he said he doesn't like giving that one to pregnant women.. THEN WHY HAVE IT OUT?!?!?! He says again. Go ahead and give her 10 cc's more. Im still awake. They continue to talk to me. At this point my mind is still racing but a haze is taking over.. I hear again give her 10 more. I don't want to be here anymore. Ill live with the dead gall bladder just don't hurt by baby. Then I hear the words that scare me the most. Go ahead and give her 20 cc's of the other. I am OUT!
I don't know how long I am out for but I remember waking up being tied down. I am choking on something and Im on a hard cold surface.. OhNo. Im still on the x-ray table and they have something down my throat. I start to panic I can hear them telling me to calm down. I am thrashing, gagging, crying, Then I hear go ahead and give her 10 cc's of the other. Im out again.Not sure why I woke up or how long the procedure took. I remember waking up and having people around me. Asking me if I am ok. I was super thirsty and my dad was there. I was happy to see him. Sarah was bouncing all around in my stomach and I hurt I just wanted to sleep. Reality didn't seem like something I was ready for yet. I remember the next day was the surgery to get out the gall bladder. The doctor came and asked me if I had any questions.. I just requested that he make sure I STAYED asleep this time.
All went well they put me to sleep in the waiting room and I woke up after surgery in the waiting room. But boy oh boy... I had 4 small incisions and Sarah wasn't happy. I remember the dr's and nurses would come into the room and ask me how I was doing and all I wanted was for them to put Sarah to sleep long enough for me to NOT hurt. lol
I healed alright from that. I remember being released from the hospital after 5 days and I was excited to go back home to see James. Little did I know that the church people gathered together and had me stay with another person for a few more days long enough for me to heal a bit before getting my son back. Oh those were the longest days of my life. I remember when I FINALLY got to see James we both just held each other and cried.. Then the first words out of my son's mouth were.. Mom I want Candy With Sugar... (all I gave him when he asked for candy were fruit) lol
Sarah remained active and I healed up well enough to go back to the shelter. Sarah used my insides as a jungle gym and karate practice. On several occasions getting hands and feet stuck between ribs (ouch).
Her due date was September 13. Thankfully I had the same Dr I did with James and we worked out a deal. If she kept growing we could induce her 2 weeks early. And thankfully that is what we did. I remember thinking after reading all the mom books I could that the 2nd one comes in half the time so I was thinking ohhh go in at 6 be out by breakfast. Sarah had other plans. On August 30, 2004 at the most horrible hour I arrived at the hospital.. I was in a much better mood and the Dr came in with the pitocin, I wasn't thrilled about this as when I had my son they started my epideral first. I wanted my epidural! But they told me I wasn't dilated enough.So without too much complaint the pitocin was started... 7 hours later after I have scared everyone in the room with me about how I wanted to mutilate a particular body part of my daughter's father they bring in my epidural. After that I was a much happier person to be around. So 12 hours after arriving at the hospital at almost 7 pm I gave birth to my baby girl, SARAH!!!!!
This pregnancy was WAY different then the pregnancy with James. I felt EVERY little movement from EARLY on.. The morning sickness was about the same, I didn't crave Taco Bell but I did crave Wendy's.
Sarah was my little gymnists while I was pregnant. She NEVER stopped moving. I was happy that I didn't have to go to the doctor ALL the time like I did with James. This one just felt right. Unfortunately on mother's day while I was pregnant her father and I broke up. So now here I am with a 2 yr old boy, about 5 months pregnant, on mother's day with no where to go. Thankfully there was a shelter up the road a bit that helped pregnant woman. It was a tough transition but I was a mom and I had to do it. A couple of weeks later I developed what I thought was the most severe case of heartburn in history. I couldn't eat, sleep, sit, stand, breathing was hurting. I finally went to the doctor and found out that my gallbladder had shut down. Unfortunately, no doctor's in my city work on pregnant woman and gallbladders so I was transferred to another hospital two hours away. Thankfully I was still a member of the church I grew up in and they took care of James for me while I had to undergo surgery. This was the first time my son and I spent any time away from each other.
To say I was scared would be an understatement. Here I am pregnant and I am going in for surgery. And this was an active child. I tend to be a worrier so of course I am thinking of all the horrible outcomes. What if they hurt my baby what if she gets in their way. Thankfully none of that happened. I remember the first day of surgery to remove all the gall stones they rolled me into an x-ray room and laid me on the x-ray table. My mind now is racing. I am pregnant, I am not supposed to have x-ray's while I am pregnant. I hear the dr say give her 10 cc's of something. Im wide awake. Im looking around asking questions.. What's the different meds they have laid one.. The white one I remember as he said he doesn't like giving that one to pregnant women.. THEN WHY HAVE IT OUT?!?!?! He says again. Go ahead and give her 10 cc's more. Im still awake. They continue to talk to me. At this point my mind is still racing but a haze is taking over.. I hear again give her 10 more. I don't want to be here anymore. Ill live with the dead gall bladder just don't hurt by baby. Then I hear the words that scare me the most. Go ahead and give her 20 cc's of the other. I am OUT!
I don't know how long I am out for but I remember waking up being tied down. I am choking on something and Im on a hard cold surface.. OhNo. Im still on the x-ray table and they have something down my throat. I start to panic I can hear them telling me to calm down. I am thrashing, gagging, crying, Then I hear go ahead and give her 10 cc's of the other. Im out again.Not sure why I woke up or how long the procedure took. I remember waking up and having people around me. Asking me if I am ok. I was super thirsty and my dad was there. I was happy to see him. Sarah was bouncing all around in my stomach and I hurt I just wanted to sleep. Reality didn't seem like something I was ready for yet. I remember the next day was the surgery to get out the gall bladder. The doctor came and asked me if I had any questions.. I just requested that he make sure I STAYED asleep this time.
All went well they put me to sleep in the waiting room and I woke up after surgery in the waiting room. But boy oh boy... I had 4 small incisions and Sarah wasn't happy. I remember the dr's and nurses would come into the room and ask me how I was doing and all I wanted was for them to put Sarah to sleep long enough for me to NOT hurt. lol
I healed alright from that. I remember being released from the hospital after 5 days and I was excited to go back home to see James. Little did I know that the church people gathered together and had me stay with another person for a few more days long enough for me to heal a bit before getting my son back. Oh those were the longest days of my life. I remember when I FINALLY got to see James we both just held each other and cried.. Then the first words out of my son's mouth were.. Mom I want Candy With Sugar... (all I gave him when he asked for candy were fruit) lol
Sarah remained active and I healed up well enough to go back to the shelter. Sarah used my insides as a jungle gym and karate practice. On several occasions getting hands and feet stuck between ribs (ouch).
Her due date was September 13. Thankfully I had the same Dr I did with James and we worked out a deal. If she kept growing we could induce her 2 weeks early. And thankfully that is what we did. I remember thinking after reading all the mom books I could that the 2nd one comes in half the time so I was thinking ohhh go in at 6 be out by breakfast. Sarah had other plans. On August 30, 2004 at the most horrible hour I arrived at the hospital.. I was in a much better mood and the Dr came in with the pitocin, I wasn't thrilled about this as when I had my son they started my epideral first. I wanted my epidural! But they told me I wasn't dilated enough.So without too much complaint the pitocin was started... 7 hours later after I have scared everyone in the room with me about how I wanted to mutilate a particular body part of my daughter's father they bring in my epidural. After that I was a much happier person to be around. So 12 hours after arriving at the hospital at almost 7 pm I gave birth to my baby girl, SARAH!!!!!
First Pregnancy
As I mentioned in my first post James is my first born. He is what I call my angel boy. Three weeks before finding out I was pregnant I lost my mom to heart failure. My depression got so out of control all I wanted was to be with my mom. I was 19 at the time and had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and was going to spend the next year or two with my mom in Houston for all the ins and outs of her heart transplant. She didn't make it to the new heart she wound up passing away 3 days after I had gotten there.
I have kinda blacked out most of what all happened around it other than feeling so very alone and not thinking I had a purpose anymore. I remember around thanksgiving starting to question my monthly cycle.. People told me I was under a lot of stress that my mom just died but part of me I guess kinda knew something else was going on. I was too scared to take a test till right before Christmas. Sure enough I hadn't seen a plus sign show up so fast in my life...
I was 88 lbs before I found out I was pregnant. I have always been small for my size. As the months crept by and doctor apt after doctor apt went by I kept getting bigger and bigger. I got HUGE!!! lol He never moved much inside of me. It had me concerned and the dr's concerned so I had lots of ultrasounds which helped to ease my anxiety. He was growing nicely just from me being so small to begin with he didn't have much room to move around. I had heartburn like you wouldn't believe. I craved Taco Bell EVERY single day. I couldn't stand even the smell of chicken... And at the very end my hips hurt so bad I felt like a barbie doll whose legs were about to pop off. Finally at the last dr apt. They did a stress test and set me down in a room all by myself hooked me up to this strange dohicky and told me every time I felt a contraction to push that red button. So I sat, and sat, and sat some more. I felt James start to move like somersaults and a nurse came running in asking me why I wasn't pushing the button. UMM I didn't know what a contraction was supposed to feel like and it just felt to me that he was rolling around. So I panicked and pushed that red button.. lol
I walked out of that office that day with inducement papers we were going to induce James on the 17 of July. I was so happy to have an end in site. I was miserably pregnant and just wanted to hold my baby. On July 15, I was hoping to get the labor started a bit early so I had asked my father to walk with me around the block.. We didn't make it past the neighbors house without my hips hurting so bad I was in tears. My dad had to carry me back home and lay me on the couch. I decided no matter what I was going to make my way to have him the next day. I remember waking up on July 16 and deciding I wasn't going to be pregnant another day. I showed up to the hospital, slammed my inducement paperwork on the nurses station told them I was there and wasn't leaving till he was out... lol
Thankfully they did get me a room and 4 hours later and 3 pushes I became a mom.
I have kinda blacked out most of what all happened around it other than feeling so very alone and not thinking I had a purpose anymore. I remember around thanksgiving starting to question my monthly cycle.. People told me I was under a lot of stress that my mom just died but part of me I guess kinda knew something else was going on. I was too scared to take a test till right before Christmas. Sure enough I hadn't seen a plus sign show up so fast in my life...
I was 88 lbs before I found out I was pregnant. I have always been small for my size. As the months crept by and doctor apt after doctor apt went by I kept getting bigger and bigger. I got HUGE!!! lol He never moved much inside of me. It had me concerned and the dr's concerned so I had lots of ultrasounds which helped to ease my anxiety. He was growing nicely just from me being so small to begin with he didn't have much room to move around. I had heartburn like you wouldn't believe. I craved Taco Bell EVERY single day. I couldn't stand even the smell of chicken... And at the very end my hips hurt so bad I felt like a barbie doll whose legs were about to pop off. Finally at the last dr apt. They did a stress test and set me down in a room all by myself hooked me up to this strange dohicky and told me every time I felt a contraction to push that red button. So I sat, and sat, and sat some more. I felt James start to move like somersaults and a nurse came running in asking me why I wasn't pushing the button. UMM I didn't know what a contraction was supposed to feel like and it just felt to me that he was rolling around. So I panicked and pushed that red button.. lol
I walked out of that office that day with inducement papers we were going to induce James on the 17 of July. I was so happy to have an end in site. I was miserably pregnant and just wanted to hold my baby. On July 15, I was hoping to get the labor started a bit early so I had asked my father to walk with me around the block.. We didn't make it past the neighbors house without my hips hurting so bad I was in tears. My dad had to carry me back home and lay me on the couch. I decided no matter what I was going to make my way to have him the next day. I remember waking up on July 16 and deciding I wasn't going to be pregnant another day. I showed up to the hospital, slammed my inducement paperwork on the nurses station told them I was there and wasn't leaving till he was out... lol
Thankfully they did get me a room and 4 hours later and 3 pushes I became a mom.
Just me
So, I love to write things down as they come into my thought waves. I have always kept little journals and notes to myself when life gets me down. Sometimes I share my thoughts on my fb page and have some people respond to that and was told that I should try writing for a more public forum.
I myself and not one up for the typical punctuation and you will find plenty of spelling errors and grammar issues I am sure. I don't write for a grade I write just to get my thoughts out there. I don't even think what I have to say is all that important but some people do and if I can help just one person through this then it is worth it.
I was born 32 years ago in a small Texas town. I was given up for adoption when I was about 9 months old. I was also born with a hereditary skin condition that has changed names so many times I am not sure what it is these days other than a form of ichthyosis... lol I believe I had a great childhood. My mother was an amazing Godly woman with very strict rules that everyone was too scared to break. She also had a heart of gold and an amazing singing voice. My father worked quite a bit and not totally sure but we didn't have the greatest connection.
My parents made sure to raise me in Christian schools. They believed I wouldn't be ridiculed as much but they were WRONG... When I finally got to the high school age my parents agreed to let me try a public school as all I wanted was to dissect an animal. (I was a bit of a tomboy)... lol I had more friends in high school then all the other years of school.
My mother was sick through most of my childhood. She had a hereditary heart condition and was legally blind by the time she was two. None of these things stopped her from what she loved to do which was be a loving mother. When I was 13 she decided we needed more kids in our house. So that is when we started fostering kids. That was different as being an only child for 13 years and now all of a sudden I had to share my parents AND my room. Unfortunately my mom got real sick during this time and taking care of the foster kids fell to me quite a bit. I didn't think of it as parenting them but doing my duty as a big sister. It wasn't till later when I looked back that some of the kids still call me mom that I had a bigger impact on them than I thought.
I graduated high school in 99. A month after that my Aunt passed away in my arms. This was a very dramatic thing for me as my mom had 12 to 15 heart attacks, 3 open heart surgeries, and tons of other procedures and was still alive at this point. Having my aunt die in my arms was kind of like a reality check for me. That life is short. Life is precious and not to take things for granted. In 2000 I had a very brief marriage (8days) to a boy I went to kindergarten with. We are still friends to this day but found out marriage was not meant for us. Later that year November 6, My mother passed away. I was 19. Three short weeks after my mother passed away I found out I was going to be a mom myself. Talk about being thrown into a tidal wave. I was angry at God for taking my mom and then wanting me to be one. How was I supposed to be a good mom when I wasn't done being mothered.
On July 16, 2001 9 months and 4 days after becoming pregnant I gave birth to a beautiful 8lb3oz baby boy, James. At first I couldn't look at him as I was scared he was going to have my skin. It took someone getting in my face and very sternly telling me to look at him that I finally looked at this amazing dark skinned boy on my chest. I was amazed and so in love. It has been quite a ride since that first day my son is now 12 and OHHHH I wish someone would have told me all the ins and outs of parenting before.
On August 30, 2004 I did have a beautiful little 6lb2oz little princess Sarah. She will be 9 soon and I sometimes feel I have missed out on so much of her life. (Will probably post more details about that later.) Lots of stuff happened between the births of my children and since the births of my children. My daughter is my mini me. She looks so much like me its not even funny. Thankfully neither one of my kids inherited my skin condition so they both have perfectly smooth skin. I would like to say that I have taken on this role of mothering with no complications and that its been amazing every single day but that would be a lie. Honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world but it has been the most difficult task I have EVER done.
This is where I will start the rest of my blog. Dealing with the teen years.....
I myself and not one up for the typical punctuation and you will find plenty of spelling errors and grammar issues I am sure. I don't write for a grade I write just to get my thoughts out there. I don't even think what I have to say is all that important but some people do and if I can help just one person through this then it is worth it.
I was born 32 years ago in a small Texas town. I was given up for adoption when I was about 9 months old. I was also born with a hereditary skin condition that has changed names so many times I am not sure what it is these days other than a form of ichthyosis... lol I believe I had a great childhood. My mother was an amazing Godly woman with very strict rules that everyone was too scared to break. She also had a heart of gold and an amazing singing voice. My father worked quite a bit and not totally sure but we didn't have the greatest connection.
My parents made sure to raise me in Christian schools. They believed I wouldn't be ridiculed as much but they were WRONG... When I finally got to the high school age my parents agreed to let me try a public school as all I wanted was to dissect an animal. (I was a bit of a tomboy)... lol I had more friends in high school then all the other years of school.
My mother was sick through most of my childhood. She had a hereditary heart condition and was legally blind by the time she was two. None of these things stopped her from what she loved to do which was be a loving mother. When I was 13 she decided we needed more kids in our house. So that is when we started fostering kids. That was different as being an only child for 13 years and now all of a sudden I had to share my parents AND my room. Unfortunately my mom got real sick during this time and taking care of the foster kids fell to me quite a bit. I didn't think of it as parenting them but doing my duty as a big sister. It wasn't till later when I looked back that some of the kids still call me mom that I had a bigger impact on them than I thought.
I graduated high school in 99. A month after that my Aunt passed away in my arms. This was a very dramatic thing for me as my mom had 12 to 15 heart attacks, 3 open heart surgeries, and tons of other procedures and was still alive at this point. Having my aunt die in my arms was kind of like a reality check for me. That life is short. Life is precious and not to take things for granted. In 2000 I had a very brief marriage (8days) to a boy I went to kindergarten with. We are still friends to this day but found out marriage was not meant for us. Later that year November 6, My mother passed away. I was 19. Three short weeks after my mother passed away I found out I was going to be a mom myself. Talk about being thrown into a tidal wave. I was angry at God for taking my mom and then wanting me to be one. How was I supposed to be a good mom when I wasn't done being mothered.
On July 16, 2001 9 months and 4 days after becoming pregnant I gave birth to a beautiful 8lb3oz baby boy, James. At first I couldn't look at him as I was scared he was going to have my skin. It took someone getting in my face and very sternly telling me to look at him that I finally looked at this amazing dark skinned boy on my chest. I was amazed and so in love. It has been quite a ride since that first day my son is now 12 and OHHHH I wish someone would have told me all the ins and outs of parenting before.
On August 30, 2004 I did have a beautiful little 6lb2oz little princess Sarah. She will be 9 soon and I sometimes feel I have missed out on so much of her life. (Will probably post more details about that later.) Lots of stuff happened between the births of my children and since the births of my children. My daughter is my mini me. She looks so much like me its not even funny. Thankfully neither one of my kids inherited my skin condition so they both have perfectly smooth skin. I would like to say that I have taken on this role of mothering with no complications and that its been amazing every single day but that would be a lie. Honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world but it has been the most difficult task I have EVER done.
This is where I will start the rest of my blog. Dealing with the teen years.....
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