Just me

So, I love to write things down as they come into my thought waves. I have always kept little journals and notes to myself when life gets me down. Sometimes I share my thoughts on my fb page and have some people respond to that and was told that I should try writing for a more public forum.
I myself and not one up for the typical punctuation and you will find plenty of spelling errors and grammar issues I am sure. I don't write for a grade I write just to get my thoughts out there. I don't even think what I have to say is all that important but some people do and if I can help just one person through this then it is worth it.

I was born 32 years ago in a small Texas town. I was given up for adoption when I was about 9 months old. I was also born with a hereditary skin condition that has changed names so many times I am not sure what it is these days other than a form of ichthyosis... lol  I believe I had a great childhood. My mother was an amazing Godly woman with very strict rules that everyone was too scared to break. She also had a heart of gold and an amazing singing voice. My father worked quite a bit and not totally sure but we didn't have the greatest connection.

My parents made sure to raise me in Christian schools. They believed I wouldn't be ridiculed as much but they were WRONG... When I finally got to the high school age my parents agreed to let me try a public school as all I wanted was to dissect an animal. (I was a bit of a tomboy)... lol I had more friends in high school then all the other years of school.

My mother was sick through most of my childhood. She had a hereditary heart condition and was legally blind by the time she was two. None of these things stopped her from what she loved to do which was be a loving mother. When I was 13 she decided we needed more kids in our house. So that is when we started fostering kids. That was different as being an only child for 13 years and now all of a sudden I had to share my parents AND my room. Unfortunately my mom got real sick during this time and taking care of the foster kids fell to me quite a bit. I didn't think of it as parenting them but doing my duty as a big sister. It wasn't till later when I looked back that some of the kids still call me mom that I had a bigger impact on them than I thought.

I graduated high school in 99. A month after that my Aunt passed away in my arms. This was a very dramatic thing for me as my mom had 12 to 15 heart attacks, 3 open heart surgeries, and tons of other procedures and was still alive at this point. Having my aunt die in my arms was kind of like a reality check for me. That life is short. Life is precious and not to take things for granted.  In 2000 I had a very brief marriage (8days) to a boy I went to kindergarten with. We are still friends to this day but found out marriage was not meant for us. Later that year November 6, My mother passed away. I was 19. Three short weeks after my mother passed away I found out I was going to be a mom myself. Talk about being thrown into a tidal wave. I was angry at God for taking my mom and then wanting me to be one. How was I supposed to be a good mom when I wasn't done being mothered.

On July 16, 2001 9 months and 4 days after becoming pregnant I gave birth to a beautiful 8lb3oz baby boy, James. At first I couldn't look at him as I was scared he was going to have my skin. It took someone getting in my face and very sternly telling me to look at him that I finally looked at this amazing dark skinned boy on my chest. I was amazed and so in love. It has been quite a ride since that first day my son is now 12 and OHHHH I wish someone would have told me all the ins and outs of parenting before. 

On August 30, 2004 I did have a beautiful little 6lb2oz little princess Sarah. She will be 9 soon and I sometimes feel I have missed out on so much of her life. (Will probably post more details about that later.) Lots of stuff happened between the births of my children and since the births of my children. My daughter is my mini me. She looks so much like me its not even funny. Thankfully neither one of my kids inherited my skin condition so they both have perfectly smooth skin. I would like to say that I have taken on this role of mothering with no complications and that its been amazing every single day but that would be a lie. Honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world but it has been the most difficult task I have EVER done.

This is where I will start the rest of my blog. Dealing with the teen years.....